Hopelessly Lost in Translation

In the immortal words of Laurie Anderson, “Language is a virus.” This is never more true than in the signage we encounter during our foreign travels. With the best of friendly intentions merchants, companies and even governments set out to make us English speaking visitors feel right at home. Mayhem ensues:
1 Must Dominate the English Language
2 Welcome turist we spik inglish
3 Take luggage of foreigner

But in some cases the attempt at translation falls so short of the mark that we have no clue what they might be thinking. In these cases context is your only friend!
1 Beware of missing foot
2 Racist Park
3 Accident Porn Area
4 Beat the Moose
5 Present your Octopus
6 Sale of Chicken Murder

You have to admire the attempt at politeness and good manners.
1 You are the Best
2 Don’t touch yourself

Inadvertently sex and smut rears it’s ugly head!
1 Try the new Anus Pounder
2 Fat Kok
3 Erection in Progress
4 Cunt examination
5 Fisting us
6 Insert furiously
7 Butty Boys
8 Big Fuck Hall
9 SHIT

Food signage is a mine field:
1 Fuck Vegetables
2 Fresh Crap
3 Vagina Tandoori
4 Fuck the duck till Explodes

But tragically, are we any better?
1 Entero somewhere Elso
Dan Gregory has worked behind the scenes researching locations for Toto Tours since 1992.